Doubts

So I went for my 5k jog on Sunday, and it was painful. I'm going to blame the cold for some of it but I just felt exhausted and it was difficult for me to breath properly. Admittedly it got better as I went along but it was generally not a pleasant experience. As I was jogging (and walking) I just kept thinking, how the hell am I going to do this for 13.1 miles if I can't do it for 3.1 miles! At the time I just wanted to say screw the half marathon training - I just want to go home and eat chips! But I got to the end and I went home and didn't have chips. So that's plus. But I felt like crap for the rest of the day not physically but mentally. I felt beaten up by the fact I am so unfit, and that I'm the one that has let myself get like this. The jog wasn't the only factor for feeling like this though, I've had shitty runs (not that kind!) before. I think one of the reasons I felt so disheartened was due in part to (online) dress shopping. I have decided that for my wedding in September I am going to wear a Vivien of Holloway dress, that may look a little something like this;

Now the biggest size they do is for a 38" waist, which is fine. Ok, I'm not quite at that waist size but I'm not far off and am confident that I can get down to that (and smaller) by the end of May time when I am planning to go and try some dresses on! What got me is that they rank a 38" waist as a dress size 24. Twenty fucking four! I'm just above a 38" waist and wear size 18 trousers and 16 tops. And supposedly the most important dress I'll ever buy will be in a size 24. It sucks to say the least. What I am going, and have to do, is block out the dress size and go by measurements - and maybe when I get the dress cut the size label out! Perhaps, as these dresses are in the 1950s style they have kept their sizing in line with that, and a 38" waist would have been a size 24 back in the 50s. Therefore when people say Marilyn Monroe was a size 16 dress, they actually mean she was a size 16 in relation to 1950s, and those sizes have been creeping up ever since?! Now after a pep talk from Skinny Jeans I have decided not to let this dress size thing bother me and instead I will focus working as hard as I can, and eating as well as I can. We have a long time until the wedding in September, and even longer until the half marathon so I have time to get better, and fitter and I will laugh at the day a 5k nearly defeated me!

Progress

So it's been a while and it's about time I wrote an update. I have to admit I have been a little half arsed with thing recently. I have been going out for jogs but not as often as I should, and I have been eating better, but still having quite a few treats. My scales at home are ancient but I have been using them now and then, and they have been sticking at the same place (but at least they aren't going up!) Despite this at the weekend I decided to take some measurements.

The last time I had dusted off the old measuring tape was 17 November 2011; so before my Christmas binge. I was pretty chuffed (despite the fact I've had three months in-between the first measuring and the second) to find out I've lost 2 inches on all of my big areas (waist, boobs, hips) and 1 inch on my less big areas (arms and thighs). This has given me a bit of a boost, and also made me think what could I have achieved if I worked harder, and ate more sensibly. Therefore in honour of Lent and giving shit up I have decided to give up all chocolate until Easter. I know, I know, I'm always saying no biscuits, no cakes and I never actually do it, but I mean it this time - honest. Last Lent I gave up crisps and fizzy drinks and I managed to stick at it, and now I only have these items very infrequently, so lets hope I can do the same with chocolate. The other things I am giving up for Lent are weighing and measuring myself. This is just because I want to feel as good as I do now at the end of Lent, when hopefully I can see more progress and more inches being lost. Hurrah!

Shoes, shoes, shoes

So, I'm not big on shoes. People think all girls love shoes (and handbags) because whatever size you are you can go out and buy some, but I don't get all the fuss. Perhaps that makes me a traitor to my sex but think about it - how often do you look down at someone's feet? If you're me hardly ever. And as for handbags, don't get me started. I have one small satchel bag, one bigger satchel style bag and a rucksack. Why do people (girls) get so excited by them? To me it's a mystery, they are just a place to put all your crap! But back to the subject in hand: Shoes.

It's a bit shameful to admit but I usually have only one pair of shoes, trainers or flipflops at any one time which I wear until they fall apart and look like this;

If I'm honest, half the time they smell, let water in, and just look darn scruffy but shoes are not something I want to spend money on. However, as I am trying to spend less money on snacks, alcohol & chocolate etc, and to also find treats that are non edible (as rewards to keep me on my healthy living plan) I've been drawn towards trying to improve my presentation. I've started by booking in the hairdressers every 8 weeks (rather than about once a year!) and also buying nice toiletries (that I am going to use!) but now my mind has turned towards shoes. And I can honestly say I think I have brought my best purchase of the year to keep me engaged with exercise. And here they are;

They are Nike Lunarswift+ 3 Shield Women's Running Shoe! And they are magic! I put a little chip on the sole of them and connect that to my ipod and they tell me how far I have run, how fast, and how many calories I have burned. To be honest I have only been for one run in them but they are comfy, supportive and make me feel like a pro. Now, I say I have only been for one run in them but what makes that run extra special is that it was on my lunch break - I hardly ever drag myself out of the office at lunch but these shoes made me want to try them out. There is another reason I couldn't wait to go for a run. The data from your runs can be uploaded to nikeplus.com and you can track your progress, you can also join challenges. Skinny Jeans is the one who mentioned these Nike+ shoes to me (and for that I thank her) and she has set up a challenge between the two of us: who can run the furthest in the next 200 odd days, and as I am a bad loser I am determined to win - let battle commence.

Now when I started this post I said I don't get the fuss about shoes, but there is one pair that I love. They are Vivienne Westwood and in my mind absolutely stunning, and I have brought a pair! They are the most expensive piece of clothing I have ever brought but I want to wear them on my wedding day, so I think one expensive pair of shoes is justified. I've tried them on and they are comfy, glamorous and eye catching, but to make sure I don't feel like an elephant in stilettos I will have to use my trainers for the next few months. For now I will leave you with a picture of these sexy eye candy shoes!

Good Week, Bad Week

So, just over a week on from my last post, and it's been a mixed bag (but not a pick n mix bag!)

I started off so well - all week I had homemade smoothies for breakfast, soup or salad for lunch and a sensible dinner. And what did I snack on? Almonds, celery and carrots! Not bad at all really. Ok 3 out 5 days I had left over chocolate cake but the rest of the time I was very well behaved. However on Friday morning I woke up feeling like crap, my nose was full off snot, I ached and just had no get up and go. I felt so shitty that I only stayed for one Friday after work drink (it was a hot toddy at that - so medicinal!) This meant for the whole weekend I have sat indoors under a blanket, with DVDs and computer games in front of me. My only exercise was shouting a the TV when I couldn't beat a dragon (on a Skyrim - very addictive game, I recommend it!)

To top it off my boyfriend opened the tin of Quality Street we had left over from Christmas and I helped myself to a good old handful of them (if my hands were as big as King Kong that is). So how am I feeling today? Exhausted. I was supposed to join a work mate at Zumba tonight but I feel any sort of cardio would leave me a coughing spluttering mess, so for my (short term) health I have decided to forgo it and start next Monday. I haven't jogged since last weekend but I am determined not to fall behind so tonight I am going to try one of the conditioning classes on one of my DVDs so I can get my muscles working without wearing myself out. Perhaps I will try the Pilates for Beginners DVD I brought months back but haven't taken out of the packaging. You never know the endorphins may help me feel better! I'll let you know how I get on...

What are weekend are for

So, let me tell you a few things I have done today (Sunday)

1. Made a chocolate fudge cake with malteser icing!

2. Watched the 74 stone babysitter on 4OD (I debated about putting a picture on simply because I don't want to be accused of exploiting this woman but she had a documentary made about her so I feel justified using the photo - It is a compeling documentary though, and not completely a freak show like some Channel 5 shows!)

3. Gone for a jog. (This is not me but I wish it was!)

I have to admit number 2 on my list did help to finally kick start me to do number 3, but before we get in to that, I suppose I better answer about the cake first. Today is my boyfriends birthday and he loves chocolate (I know I'm getting married in September but I can't use the F word, it sounds too pretentious, so he's still the bf). I didn't want to simply buy a cake, I wanted it to be special and thoughtful, so I made the chocolatey-ist cake I could! What a great girlfriend I am. But wait a minute Blue Crush I hear you cry, what happened to the "no crisps, diet coke, alcohol and biscuits" you wrote just 2 days ago. Well you will see I cleverly/stupidly/deceptively left off cake and chocolate. However, don't fret just yet - I have had the smallest piece you could imagine (it was divine) and will not being having any more. Birthdays have to be exempt from this no sugar stuff I think, and only birthdays of important people will be considered for this luxury! I also made a roast dinner but a large portion on my plate was taken up by vegetables, so I'm not going to apologise for that.

And now on to the jogging. I have been putting it off because I was scared how unfit I have become since stopping jogging (according to my ipod I haven't gone since 1 November) and to be honest it was quite bad. I have gone back to week one of my 'Couch to 5k' app and could only run for 3 minutes without having to stop and walk, but I have to start somewhere. For the half marathon SJ and I are planning in Oct we apparently need to be able for 30 minutes straight before even considering training to run 13 miles. So that it my current aim. Before I stopped jogging in November I had got to about 7 minutes solid jogging, so I know I can do better than I currently am doing, I just have to push myself.

Another thing I have done this weekend (see how busy I've been because I can feel my energy coming back) is over an hour of my Davina DVD, had a trip to the aquarium (there were more pushchairs than fish) and signed up to the Channel 4 Revolution - Get Fit!

http://revolution.channel4.com/.

I saw this because I watched a programme called Fat Fighters on 4OD. Basically you sign up and they give you a task to complete each day, for 31 days. This is to kickstart your new year, you can stick at it after the 31 days are up. Today was a simple 2o minute brisk walk, and seeing as I started my jogging, I ticked that as completed. I like the idea of this as it may give me new exercise ideas, so go on, be inspired sign up too and see how you get along! And watch the Fat Fighters too. It's gawdy, loud and more than a little camp (a dominatrix bingo wing busting class anyone?) but that's great for this kind of show, we've moved on from Mr Motivator and I for one would love one of these guys as a personal trainer!

Channel 4 Fat Fighters!

New Year Resolutions

Ok dear readers (of which I am sure there is only one!) you may remember I posted some aims last year one of which said "To enjoy Christmas without binging on all the goodies" Well lets just say, the less said about that the better, but it is a New Year now with a renewed outlook.

2012 is going to be quite a busy year for me. We have the Olympics in early August, Skinny Jean's 30th beach party mid August, Paralympics in early September and then I am getting married mid-late September. So looking at this I need to pull my finger out so I can have a summer of rushing around and looking fabulous. But how am I going to achieve this? I started this blog in September and I am the same weight now as I was then (I lost some but put it all back on at Christmas) so clearly I need to sort myself out. I think the key for me is exercise. If I've been for a jog or work out I think, "hell no I don't want that chocolate, it'll ruin all my hard work!" But if I haven't done anything, I think "nevermind I'll be good tomorrow". Well Tomorrow is here and I have to get on track. But how? Well in the spring I will be walking up Mt Snowdon, so I need to start preparing for that. I am also going to sign up for the Royal Parks Half Marathon in October. I always thought I'd do something like this, and now I will. Exercise is going to become an almost daily part of my life. I can't afford to join a gym but I can go jogging, work out at home, and go to a Zumba class once a week - I just need to stop being lazy!

Last year I was always going on about moderation. Which is basically my code for saying "I can still eat crap, as long as it's not too much". Well screw that, it didn't work, so now I am going to be harsh on myself. I am not allowed diet coke, crisps, alcohol or biscuits for the whole of January. It's official, I am on a detox!

So there we go. I will write more later about detoxing, and my new exercise regime later this month but for now I will write down by resolutions for 2012.

1. Weigh 11 stone or less, as soon as possible.

2. Do some kind of exercise (20 minutes minimum) at least 5 days a week

3. Eat well and make healthy choices.

4. DON'T GIVE IN OR BE PUT OFF. It won't happen overnight but it will never happen if I don't stick at it.

Raahhhhhhhhhhhh (that's my battle cry)

Christmas Drinks

So today was going to be my big post about enjoying Christmas without without binging, however last night we had leaving drinks for one of my work colleagues, and because I am feeling somewhat delicate I have decided to write about some thing more suitable - that wonderful subject - ALCOHOL. Don't worry, I'll try and give it a Christmas slant so you don't feel too cheated!

I love to drink alcohol, I love shots, I love beer, I love wine, and I adore cocktails. In fact there aren’t many alcoholic drinks I don’t like (or won’t at least try once I am already drunk). I don’t think that I drink too often, but when I do I go all out. I guess I am your typical binge drinker. And Christmas always has plenty of occasions for me to embrace my bad habit. You see the problem is you don’t need to be a Rocket Scientist to know that alcohol is full of calories, and as an added extra can make you feel like crap the next day. I have decided to give up the booze in January to cleanse and give my body a big health kick and all that jazz but I won’t give up alcohol for Christmas. I don’t want to sound like an alcoholic but I just couldn’t. I have had about 4 hours sleep and have felt queasy since I woke up and it’s now lunchtime – my hangovers never lasted this long when I was younger! However I’m not one of those who say “I’m never drinking again!” everytime I feel a bit rough. Yes I’m not my usual sparkling self but I’ll feel better soon, and yes the hangover is usually worth it. I had a great time last night. I danced like a loon and that is not something I tend to do when sober so surely that exercise cancels out the calorific drinking?! Perhaps not. We started off well on some Prosecco. I believe Champagne is supposed to be relatively low in calories so I am sure this must be the same for Prosecco. However I then moved on to my favourite drink of the moment. Crabbies Ginger Beer.

I haven’t searched to see what the calorie content of one of these bottles is because honestly I would be scared to find out. I don’t imagine it is particularly low, I would guess it is close to the calorie content of a mars bar. The taste of this drink is superb though, perfect for Christmas with its spicy warming ginger kick. They are on special offer at Sainsburys at the moment (4 bottles for £5) so I have quite a few at home ready for Christmas celebrations.

Another of a favourite festive drink of mine is a Snowball! This is basically Advocaat with lemonade and a touch of lime. This is the drink we always had with family at Christmas gatherings when I was growing up. From about the time we hit double figures in age all the children in the family (brother, sister, cousins etc) would have a splash of Advocaat and a big slug of lemonade at Christmas parties. It made us feel like grown-ups and it tasted better than all the other harsh grown up drinks. It was fluffy, fun and went down so smoothly. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure the measures we were served contained almost no Advocaat, and therefore weren’t very alcoholic at all but the Advocaat /lemonade ratio did begin to change as we grew up! For me this is a nostalgia drink. I won’t order it at a bar but I will have it round by Aunt’s or cousins at this time of year.

And now on to the big one. The Daddy of all drinks. The Boss. The head honcho of the Christmas cabinet. Baileys. Sweet, silky, delicious , enchanting Baileys. I know they now have Baileys with all this different shit in it but give me a glass of the classic stuff with lots of ice and I am in heaven. It looks amazing; glossy and decadent. It smells out of this world, and it tastes like love. Maybe I'm taking it a bit far but if you can’t over-exaggerate in a blog where else can you? Needless to say, I love it. Honestly I cannot have any in the house because I would drink myself into a happy oblivion. However it will be offered to me by other people and I will happily accept a glass (or three).

So this is my conundrum to solve; how can I enjoy Christmas without giving up my beloved alcohol but without consuming so many unneeded calories? To be honest if I could give you an answer to this I would patent it and make a fortune. The only thing I can do is to try and moderate (that damn word again, grrr). If I am at the pub I am going to have Gin and slim line tonic, or Jack Daniels on the rocks or Prosecco as I figure these drinks to have the lowest calorie content. I hope this means that at a party or Christmas gathering I can accept a Baileys or Snowball without feeling guilty and increasing my waist line. I’ll let you know how I get on!