Doubts

So I went for my 5k jog on Sunday, and it was painful. I'm going to blame the cold for some of it but I just felt exhausted and it was difficult for me to breath properly. Admittedly it got better as I went along but it was generally not a pleasant experience. As I was jogging (and walking) I just kept thinking, how the hell am I going to do this for 13.1 miles if I can't do it for 3.1 miles! At the time I just wanted to say screw the half marathon training - I just want to go home and eat chips! But I got to the end and I went home and didn't have chips. So that's plus. But I felt like crap for the rest of the day not physically but mentally. I felt beaten up by the fact I am so unfit, and that I'm the one that has let myself get like this. The jog wasn't the only factor for feeling like this though, I've had shitty runs (not that kind!) before. I think one of the reasons I felt so disheartened was due in part to (online) dress shopping. I have decided that for my wedding in September I am going to wear a Vivien of Holloway dress, that may look a little something like this;

Now the biggest size they do is for a 38" waist, which is fine. Ok, I'm not quite at that waist size but I'm not far off and am confident that I can get down to that (and smaller) by the end of May time when I am planning to go and try some dresses on! What got me is that they rank a 38" waist as a dress size 24. Twenty fucking four! I'm just above a 38" waist and wear size 18 trousers and 16 tops. And supposedly the most important dress I'll ever buy will be in a size 24. It sucks to say the least. What I am going, and have to do, is block out the dress size and go by measurements - and maybe when I get the dress cut the size label out! Perhaps, as these dresses are in the 1950s style they have kept their sizing in line with that, and a 38" waist would have been a size 24 back in the 50s. Therefore when people say Marilyn Monroe was a size 16 dress, they actually mean she was a size 16 in relation to 1950s, and those sizes have been creeping up ever since?! Now after a pep talk from Skinny Jeans I have decided not to let this dress size thing bother me and instead I will focus working as hard as I can, and eating as well as I can. We have a long time until the wedding in September, and even longer until the half marathon so I have time to get better, and fitter and I will laugh at the day a 5k nearly defeated me!